dear internet,
i just moved to a new city to a great new job. i've also therefore escaped from multiple entanglements with the opposite sex, and am much the happier for it. but today i totally got a love email from our office IT guy, whose desk is in the next door room. he seems sweet and shy, but i'm not interested. not in him nor in being in a relationship generally. in the email he said he fell in love at first sight and wants me to be his gf and vindicate his heart. what do i do?
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harassment. you shouldn't have to put up with that cowardly email crap.
That email actually sounds a little creepy.
btw, if you tell him you're married or BFed, what's to stop the creepy guy from reading your email?
Here's your answer, "No, but thank you so much for asking!"
And assume he's reading both your emails and noting what websites you visit, depending on the size and internal guidelines (or lack thereof) at your company.
that sounds really creepy. don't talk to him!!
This is not harassment unless he continues to ask you after your refusal. It does sound a little creepy, but it's not like he exposed himself to you, or implied that there would be consequences if you did not become his girlfriend. Unless there is a policy against intra-office dating, he should have the right to ask you out (once), for goodness sake, whether you like him or not. Don't clobber the poor guy just because you're scared to tell him you're not interested, but if he keeps pestering you or makes the workplace uncomfortable (or messes up your computer, or you think he's spying), tell your boss. Make sure you understand your workplace's sexual harassment policy.
Sorry, maybe I'm making too much of a big deal about the "report him for sexual harassment" option, but people do have the tendency to abuse the system over nothing, and it will certainly not endear you to your new employers.
Blimey, the number of people here assuming that either he is a stalker or will ready your emails, that makes me sad (and I am usually a mean cynic and pessimist... but honestly!)
Nothing wrong with saying "Thank you for showing your appreciation, but I would prefer to be left alone" and seeing what happens.
Who calls him a coward? Email is a bit sad, but stil he had the guts to say something at all. Should he face office-wide humiliation by asking her in the elevator???
kchason seems to have it right, i would say. you need to tell him to his face, however... privately, though not in some closed room... but if you do it on an email, he can overanalyze and, possibly, use your words whatever they may be against you.
he may not be a stalker, maybe just young, shy, and thinks hes in love. just say "very sweet, but i am not interested, thanks."
dont delete that email. if he DOES persist, or does do things like read your email, you will want to have that on hand. you may in fact want to print it and keep it at home, since he IS the IT guy.
Piggy, I apologize, I think I was a bit too forceful in my previous comment.
thanks for all your comments. personally i do feel slightly creeped out and also angry, since when i go in to work today i'm gonna be feeling wary with him working in the next room, when all i want to do in the office is work . i also don't want to use the harassment option at all. but the idea that he could be reading my email etc. is definitely scary. as well as the fact that i've done nothing to encourage him whatsoever bc we never talk. so rather than being flattered, i'm indignant that he thinks i'm some sort of dreamy idiot who will respond to this kind of thing. what kind of adult sends an intense love note to a perfect stranger?
and why is everyone telling me to tell him to his face? i don't want to go near the creep. in fact, isn't it better to email back so there's a "paper" trail?
If it's to his face he has to acknowledge you and see you as a person. If you reply to his email, it's like you're playing his game - what's to stop him from emailing you back? It could go on and on. But if you say it to his face you have the control, and when the conversation is over, it's over.