re: "take my heart but please don't break it" by anonymous questioner

July 01, 2008 10:46 AM

dear internet,

I recently went on a trip to visit a friend and ended up losing my virginity to said friend. He was really nice about it, and didn't pressure me into having sex, but afterwards he kept acting weird. He wasn't avoiding me per se, but the vibe I'm getting is that he thinks we made a giant mistake and also that I'm in love with him, which I'm not really. I'm REALLY scared to bring this up to him in casual conversation, but I feel kind of like a cheap whore and I don't think he knows that.

It's killing my self-esteem and making me freak out. What in the world should I do?

results 39 votes

Try to move on. He doesn't like you in that way, and he's not looking for a relationship, and you knew that (even if you didn't want to believe it). (3 votes)
 8%
Tell him you think you might have made a mistake, even though you (drunkenly) told him you were ready. (8 votes)
 21%
Tell him how the way he's treating you makes you feel (shitty and like a cheap whore), and see if he apologizes sincerely. He probably feels just as bad... (25 votes)
 64%
the ubiquitous "other" (comment plzthx) (3 votes)
 8%
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comments

  • alex says:

    A combination of 2 and three seems like a good idea.

    Jul 01, 2008 02:32 PM
  • laner says:

    agreed, something of a combo of 2 and 3. he is/was your friend. don't just try to make him feel guilty by saying it's his fault you feel bad; that isn't entirely true anyway, is it? but you feel bad period, so you want to talk to him about it, and that part of the reason is because he clearly feels weird too so it needs to all get out in the open.

    that make sense? sometimes i dont make much sense...

    Jul 01, 2008 11:10 PM
  • anonymous questioner says:

    I don't want to try to make him feel guilty at all, I just want him to know how I feel. And I see what you mean Johnny, but I'm definitely not going to accuse him of anything, since there was nothing forceful about it. Post-coital second thoughts ≠ rape.

    I think it's mostly because we aren't/weren't in a relationship, and we just did it to do it. If that makes sense. I agree, and I wanted my first time to mean something and be special, so maybe that's why I feel so bad. Hmm.

    Jul 02, 2008 01:14 PM
  • sheepofages says:

    Most "cheap whores" have sex for money with multiple partners because they're desperate for food and shelter and have no other options open to them. I'm sure any given "cheap whore" would love to trade places with you.

    If you're sure that you actually feel bad after the sex I believe you and sympathize, and it's true our body and feelings don't always react the way we expect them to. But are you sure you're not just buying into the mentality that girls who have sex are "cheap whores," that you're not just worried what other people will think if they find out?

    Anyway, I would ditto JohnnyA and say I think your thinking leading up to the sex seems reasonable. You can never know if the act is going to feel special, so why not eliminate that variable and do it in an environment that you feel safe in so you know what it's like? There are always regrets in life but it's rarely a bad idea to try something! So even if you decide the decision didn't have the outcome you were hoping for, I wouldn't be too down on yourself.

    Jul 10, 2008 10:07 PM
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