dear internet,
okay so i've dated a boy for a year and two months, not to mention we were together for a while before that and he was my first love and i thought i was his. i know i was definatly his first girlfriend, kiss, blah blah blah. anyways he broke up with me over a year ago because we fought too much. he ended it really immature though. he kind of just took me out of his life by not talking to me anymore. he said it was a "break" but it ended up being permanent and i know he said that so it wouldn't hurt my feelings as much. anyways we broke up and over the summer we never saw eachother and than school started up again and we have the same friends so we were together sometimes over the weekend and everytime we were we would flirt and flirt and talk, like we did when we were going out. on halloween we didn't leave eachothers hips, it was like we never even broke up in the first place. this would all happen on the weekends and in school it was like i was invisible again. so we starting hanging out less and less but he invited me and my best friend to his house for new years, i don't know why but the whole thing was just akward especially with all his family there. then after that we just stopped talking completly. at the end of january he went to my sweet sixteen and i kind of got really drunk and yelled at him at the end of my party when no one was really there. i told him that i didn't like him anymore and that he ruined everything and i liked someone else. i regret that now. but i've been finding out that for a while, even before my sweet sixteen, he's been bad talking me. saying i'm ugly, beg for attention, that he regrets me and hates me. i know for a fact i never did anything to him except that sweet sixteen thing. the truth is, i'm still in love with him. i can't talk to him, i've tried texting him a month ago but he never writes back. i'm a stranger to him, i'm not there and i don't exist. he's really immature and i'm really hurt. i'm constantly thinking about him and missing him. he was my everything and in a way he still is. i act like i hate him too though, i try not to look in his direction or listen to his friends when they tell me he hates me so much. i don't know what to do anymore. how do you even get over something like this ? what does it mean when he talks bad about me like that ? does he really hate me ? am i stupid for still being attached so much a year later ? please help me, i need answers. and PLEASE comment with some good advice or feedback for me..
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first love is almost always the hardest to let go, but it sounds like you need to. the sooner you acknowledge that yourself, the more you will be able to pay attention to other guys and notice if they are paying attention to you.
dont let him get to your self-esteem. you have already said that he is immature, so you are only encouraging that by still giving him your attention.
it will be hard to let go, but let it go. and don't stoop to his level. don't bad-mouth him, or in any way give him that satisfaction. just be the bigger person and hang around with your friends and move on and enjoy being a teenager!
You can get over this, and you will, but first you have to start letting go. Which is so easy to say and not so easy to do, but you can do it. Just let go off your obsession, stop thinking about him, stop trying to be with him. Just try, little by little to let it go and after a while you will be over him.
The question isn't how he feels about you, the question is why would you want to go back to someone who's immature and treats you so badly? You are worth more than that! He can't even admit that he wants to break up in the first place, he talks about you, tells lies about you, pretends he doesn't know you at school...sweetie, he's scum! You can do better, and you DESERVE better. As laner and FluffyBullet said, do your best to get over him and move on.