dear internet,
scenario: i've just been on a 2-week vacation with my boyfriend, during which he met my parents. we came back on thursday. i'm a little pooped from the whole thing and told him i'd like some quiet time alone this weekend.
he gets upset.
an hour after he leaves the office (yes, he's a co-worker so i have to see him every day, etc etc) he texts me, and when i don't reply he calls, then texts five more times until i tell him to stop texting me and i'll talk to him later.
on saturday (today), he texted in the morning to talk about how he slept, and i told him to please let's talk later. he texts again in the afternoon, with information he already knows i got from work. i've turned the phone off at this stage.
he is 27 and i am 29. we've been together almost a year.
it's not like i'm setting up a second boyfriend, or about to hit the bars without him. all i did today was work half a day alone (which he knew about anyway), go to the gym, and clean the apartment. all i want, after 2 weeks (and arguably, a year) of seeing him every single day, was a little "me" time.
and i've asked, politely, for a little rest alone this weekend, since thursday. but each time, he says he doesn't understand why i am "upset". i am not upset, but am getting progressively aggravated by his refusal to understand the concept of "me" time.
is he being too clingy? (any comments welcome).
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oh, and he just called again.
It sounds like he's very dependent on you and you should point that out to him, remind him that he can stand on his own. He is a big boy after all.
ok, I don't know, we only have your perspective of course... still, as a girl who has trouble standing clingy boys I'd say it sounds like he is. if you really want it to work you'll have to sit him down and really explain how you feel, why you feel it and that he must respect you wanting a day or two for yourself once in a while.
and if he still doesn't understand well... are you really compatible? you're not likely to have a change of personality, can you put up with it much longer? I'm only saying this because I figure you're the same anonymous that's been posting about similar things before and it seems to be a big problem for you. if that's not you, please forgive me and disregard anything I say (which, of course, you can do regardless...)
You have to talk to him, calmly and rationally. Go to a neutral place, like a park, and tell him that you need him to listen and not interrupt while you explain how you've been feeling. Tell him that you care deeply about him (or love him, if you say that) but you need some time to yourself, that he doesn't have to like it or understand it but he does need to respect your needs.
If he gets upset about it, ask him why it bothers him that you want some time alone from time to time. And when he answers, really listen-don't react, just hear what he says, and what he doesn't say. For instance, if he had a partner who cheated on him in the past, he may be refusing to honor your wishes out of fear that you're cheating.
If you can't come to a compromise, I think you should leave him. A man who refuses to accept and honor your needs isn't worth your time.
Thanks for all your answers, I didn't expect this relationship to turn into the saga that it is becoming. I just feel bad because it's starting to become a cycle: he wants to be in touch every hour of the day; I tell him I need space; he refuses to change his behaviour; I get very annoyed and scared that I'm going to be stuck with this guy forever. I thought we were quite well-suited but not if he keeps this up.
if you don't pick up the phone to tell him these things then what do you expect I would call back two