re: can't breathe by anonymous questioner

December 10, 2007 08:06 PM

voting has closed for this question

dear internet,

have you ever met a guy/girl who is probably right for you long term and who you are in love with, but at the same time you feel trapped/suffocated by 1) seeing that person much too often and b) that person saying he/she's serious about the long term and wanting to get married?
and i'm 29, so this is not some silly high school thing, though the other person is not yet 27 and acts pretty young for his/her age.

results 25 votes

yep -- here's how you deal with it (comment) (4 votes)
 16%
nah (12 votes)
 48%
i want to marry you and be with you for ever and see you every damn day until you go nuts with irritation!!! (9 votes)
 36%
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comments

  • Yuri says:

    Hum... how much is "too often"? Like, every minute of the day? Or is three times a week too many?

    You say he's probably right and wanting to get married but at the same time you feel suffocated .

    Can you explain your feeling of "too much" to him, and could you two together work it out? If not, then maybe you are not that right for each other? Or is the feeling of being trapped rather just the fear of making a decision, giving up your options?

    I would think that a feeling of suffocation is not the right accompaniment for a life-long relationship... But then what do I know?

    I hope it turns out good for both of you!

    Dec 10, 2007 08:54 PM
  • anonymous questioner says:

    welp... we work together. so i have to see him/read his emails/hear his conversations/see his IMs every damn day. and yes, this is not my first post on the matter.

    i think he's great. but i just don't want to think about marriage and all that stuff yet. i'm not even sure i want kids, and what happened to travelling the world and all that stuff first??

    not to generalise. i'm female, but don't a lot of guys have this, erm, fear of commitment?

    Dec 10, 2007 09:00 PM
  • anonymous questioner says:

    i guess one reason is, i'm an only child and like my space/independence. the thought of spending the rest of my days tied to another person, having that person constantly in my face, never having the time and space for solitude without having to put a timer on it; or just wanting to spend more time with my family (who live half the world away -- really scares me. not to mention the "extra" stuff along the way -- what if he has some kind of financial disaster and has to rely on me, or i want to travel and he wants to stay put, or if he wants kids and i don't.

    i think he's great and want to be with him, but i don't know if i can bear the thought of never having my own space again for the rest of my living days. i've seen my parents (who are still together and have a quite content marriage) endure decades of repressed irritation amid a dreary domestic routine just to keep the relationship going. i don't want that..

    Dec 10, 2007 09:06 PM
  • Yuri says:

    Well, I'm not an only child but I can relate somewhat :0)

    Nevertheless, I reckon that there are so many different ways of having a committed relationship, yet having your life there might well be one way for both of you to be happy together - and there might not be. But you can find that out only if you can talk about it and realise each other's desires and then find a way to accommodate both of them in some way. Of course you may find that you can't - but then at least you know.

    Dec 10, 2007 09:37 PM
  • fiercenailbunny says:

    ...flee.

    Dec 11, 2007 12:28 AM
  • anonymous questioner says:

    JohnnyA, THANK YOU. now i no longer feel like such a freak/horrible person.

    Dec 12, 2007 07:52 PM
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