re: outed as a couple at work by anonymous questioner

June 27, 2007 10:53 AM

voting has closed for this question

dear internet,

i met my now-BF at work and we are still colleagues in jobs we are both quite happy with. we haven't denied our relationship to our boss (who is genuinely happy for us and poses no problem), but neither have we gone around telling everyone that we're together either.

this week my BF went to a company training course and was "outed" by a senior boss (in front of a lot of colleauges) who made him 'fess up to us being a couple.

this worries me for two reasons. 1) my BF is much, much better at our job than me. i'm worried that any success i make of my job will just be explained by others as "oh, what do you expect if she's going out with the "star" of the company" and 2) i had an unfortunate romantic episode with another colleague years ago, in the same company but in a different country. i'm worried about the past catching up with me and getting.. you know, a reputation.

my current BF and i are very serious and we're thinking about getting married. i work hard and honestly at my job. i feel that what this boss did was very unprofessional. what do you think, Internet?

results 19 votes

yes -- the boss was totally unprofessional. work is work and your private life should be private. but there's nothing you can do now she's outed you. (7 votes)
 37%
yep -- it was unprofessional and you should complain. (4 votes)
 21%
yep -- your past will catch up with you and you will need to change companies. (0 votes)
 0%
nah -- these things happen all the time. no one will think less of you after this. (1 vote)
 5%
nah -- just shrug it off and ignore future requests for info from nosy colleagues. (3 votes)
 16%
nah -- just do a good job at work and you'll be fine. (3 votes)
 16%
other? (pls comment) (1 vote)
 5%
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comments

  • fiercenailbunny says:

    As usual Johnny made all the points I wanted. Yes, your boss was unprofessional, but you can roll with the punches, right? It will be ok!

    Jun 27, 2007 12:11 PM
  • alex says:

    Some of this varies occording to where you live.

    In Europe, you should complain, even if your company has rules about fraternising. You have a right to a private life which overides this. Possibly ask for an assurance that there will be no more public references to your private life.

    In other parts of the world, you may well have less rights, but you caould still ask for the assurance.

    In France, the breach of privacy is probably a crime.

    Jun 27, 2007 01:54 PM
  • inafish says:

    If you usually get along well with the senior boss, maybe a talk in private might help, so it won't happen again.

    Jun 28, 2007 03:57 AM
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