dear internet,
i was at a business function and this short little guy was talking to me like i was some kind of moron, saying things along the lines of "you know, the xx industry is a very complex one" and "you must be very young". and yes, I'm a woman. he would never have spoken that way to a man. I was pissed off that the time, but was probably over-polite and too nice to him and the encounter is still pissing me off. what should i have done?
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Possibly, anonymous, he was just uncomfortable in the social situation and fell back on inanities as many people do. And would it be different if he hadn't been short?
If it's still annoying you, then next time try to be more assertive. Stand up for your intelligence by politely agreeing, and then elucidating further, 'Although, don't you think...', or, 'Yes, from that perspective, but if you take into consideration...'.
I would ignore the whole age thing: just by making intelligent conversation (through which I am hoping you will, politely, completely decimate his lame inanieties) you are proving that age is not a factor.
First impressions last: try to ensure, if at all possible, you gave it your best shot, and can come out with head held high.
This totally reminds me of this dude I dubbed "the mentor" who was in the same year as me when we started our grad studies. I had just come in with a B.A., but he'd done his Masters, and waxed all Mr. let-me-show-you-how-it's-done, sweetheart. He was so smarmy and antagonistic, and it seemed like he was around every corner, nasally giving me superfluous instructions (o.k., o.k., he wasn't really nasal - I just added that to make him more hateful - sorry nasal people out there, no offense).
Anyway, in retrospect, and because I see him around now and he has failed to thrive in this very demanding degree, I can see that he (and your dude perhaps?) is really more to be pitied than despised.
I'm guessing you're a tall woman as well? At 5'10 I know some men react to height in women. When I read your post I have images of George Costanza pontificating into Uma Thurman's cleavage. To be pitied, really.
well. I'm only 5 foot 5 or so. so not all that tall. he came up to the base of my neck. no offense to short people, think anger was clouding my judgment.
he's not someone in my company, he's a total stranger. and when i tried to ask questions or talk about a point he'd say, "ah you teach me then, i don't teach you" but in a teasing (not quite mocking way). i guess it's not so much what he said than that he felt he could talk to me in a 'playful' way as if i were a kid and i despise strangers who talk about personal things like my age, or my ethnic background (his kid is the same mix as me).
what bugs me is that i felt i couldn't get away and yet didn't feel able to put him in his place because i was so polite. i was torn between being 'gracious' by not hurting his feelings, and rage at being talked down to, though he might not have realised it. argh.
plus i don't think being 28 allows people to call you "young" anymore. he was under 40. anyhow, the point is it was none of his goddamn business.
I can very much relate to your situation. I find me there too often. I think vexed was probably right about pitying him, but, that doesn't help you be more assertive and feel good about your interaction with him. And nothing will now, but for next time, I'd suggest very calmly, honestly and politely pointing out that you thought that his comments were inappropriate, and exactly how and why you thought that. This way you stand up for yourself and you give him an opportunity to learn, which no one else may have done, you never know. Realistically he might get offended at your offense. This is silly, and his silly reaction will be how you know to disengage and forget him.
JohnnyHindishgt et. al., I had to think of "High Cost Of Living" where the guy praises the french for having a term for it: "L'esprit d'escaliers" - damn right!